Break Up Email

I got this break up email generated by www.BreakUpEmail.com. What a gem! Wish I could send it but I don't really feel as disdainful as the email suggests.

Dear MFR,

I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. I called the nursery school program, and they agreed to let you in after they assessed your maturity level. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit.

Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both.

Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. It may be a typical line, but it's true: we just aren't meant for each other. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

Get lost loser!
Mitzie