26th October 2008

An opportunity was handed to me today and I was so excited I could hardly work. It's amazing how God is so good to me. Change is scary and can be uncomfortable - but this change I'm about to take...it just feels right.

Maybe an Aquarius

Someone once mistook me for an Aquarius. According to him these traits described me:

Optimistic and honest.
Sweet personality.
Very independent.
Inventive and intelligent.
Friendly and loyal.
Can seem unemotional.
Can be a bit rebellious.
Very stubborn, but original and unique.
Attractive on the inside and out.
Eccentric personality.

Hmmm.... almost 98% accurate. However, I was wasn't born an Aquarius. This reinforces my disinterest and unbelief in the zodiac. But it sure is nice though to be thought of as an Aquarian.

(image from denn @ flickr)

25th October 2008

This is my sister's rocking chair which she bought in Ikea for Dhs 375. Aggie included a similar one (or the same one I suspect) in her wedding registry but it costs Php11,850 (which makes it nearly three times the cost of my sister's) in Manila. It must be the taxes or the seller's horrendous markup.

24th October 2008

I went to Abu Dhabi and visited my sister, Pam, on her birthday. We watched a movie, shopped and had dinner at Noodle House. We definitely don't look alike.

23rd October 2008

The perils of having OC tendencies: I can't sleep when I want to because I am driven to do all the little rituals I feel I have to accomplish before signing off for the night. But I do "cheat" a little and catch a power nap before I resume my eccentricities.

22nd October 2008

I am currently watching "Thirteen Conversations About One Thing". I realized that I've seen this movie before and I'm watching it again because stories about ordinary people piques my interest. I don't remember how this movie ends - I'd like to find out again.

21st October 2008

Tonight I am making pasta with zucchini and mushrooms. Nothing fancy - I just plan to toss it with garlic and olive oil. Anything with garlic and olive oil usually tastes good.

20th October 2008

Our front door. That's Cheryl's couch, lamp stand and keys (inserted in the lock). But the wall clock is mine.

19th October 2008

Beyond those lights is where he is now. I'd like to be cryptic and maybe hide my thoughts behind a clever rhyme or a concealing riddle. But here it is straight out: I still think about him.

18th October 2008

Janice dropped off some fruit salad when she visited recently. Of course it was delicious. Everything she makes is delicious.

17th October 2008

A hasty shot of a grilled portobello mushroom sandwich from Art Cafe. I took a picture of it after I took two bites. It tasted just ok, not earth-shatteringly good.

16th October 2008

These days I get all my movies that I watch online so I don't have that much DVDs. But I have DVD copies of two of my favorite movies: The Truth About Cats and Dogs and Pride and Prejudice. Both were gifts from Gladys.

15th October 2008

Like most people, my mobile phone is like an extra appendage. I don't try to keep up with the latest model though. What's important to me is that it has a countdown timer.

An Open Letter to a Closed Mind by Rebecca Grey

I found this little gem of a letter thru stumbleupon. To those who know me, they know who I was thinking about when I read this.

image from xocolat shroom @ flickr

An Open Letter to a Closed Mind

Author: Rebecca_Grey

Dear You,

Yes, you. You know who you are. You're the bane of my existence, is what you are, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself, for everything you've done and everything you ever will do. Not just to me but to every poor, unwitting woman who's unlucky enough to cross your path.

I used to hold my tongue when it came to your transgressions. I used to rationalize them, justify them, and ultimately, I would forgive them. I used to tell myself you were just troubled, that you just needed a good woman to love you and you'd be all better. I would fancy myself some kind of emotional band-aid that could be slapped over your many, many scars. I was going to fix you, yes, yes, you and all your countless flaws. I don't know how I was going to do it. I guess with love. What a novel idea.

But I don't have to hold my tongue anymore, do I? Now that I no longer live in fear of you flying off the handle when I say something that, god forbid, might be construed as criticism or a character assault, now that I no longer have to worry about you leaving me for some imagined slight against you, some malicious and manipulative hazing for which you believe I am famous for but which I know I am incapable of, since, you know, I actually did love you. I didn't just say it to get what I wanted. Perhaps I told you what you wanted to hear in every other regard - but not in that one. Never in that one. You ignorant shit.

Where was I? Oh. Holding my tongue. Or, rather, not holding it. Now I can say whatever strikes my malicious, manipulative fancy. I can tell you exactly what I think of you, lovey, in as many or as few words as I deem necessary. So buckle your seatbelt, kid - I'm about to take you for a ride.

You are selfish in the purest sense of the word. You are the kind of selfish that encompasses nasty little preschool children who will not share their crayons and who pull on the tails of cats just to take amusement in the way they scream. Your own self-loathing has roots so deep that you actually thrive on it. You require your manifested hatred for yourself to survive because hating yourself and all that surrounds is who you think you are; you only created it to cleverly disguise the fact that you deserve to hate who you are. Because you're not a good person. You don't even have a glimmer of potential to be a good person. You're just a rotted shell with beautiful blue eyes that are deceptive in their projected desperation for love. You aren't desperate for anything - desperation requires a soul or, at the very least, a heart. You don't feel anything, aside from pity for yourself.

You're a fake. You're a filthy liar and a dirty little fake. There isn't a single word you've ever uttered that has actually contained even an iota of truth because you don't genuinely feel the need to be truthful about anything, lest someone actually get to know the core of your personality. You pass yourself off as a lover, a martyr, a fighter, a victim - whatever suits your whimsical, demented little fancy. Whatever gets you what you want, be it attention or money or the assurance that you're not the asshole you assert yourself to be.

Which brings me to my next point - you're an asshole. Not just because you're selfish or because you're a liar or because of the countless other things that are horribly, horribly wrong with you. It's because you're a bad person. You aren't nice. You aren't sensitive. You aren't forgiving. You are wickedly intelligent, and at the same time, one of the most moronic people I know, a fact which can only be attributed to your incapability of seeing where anyone else might be coming from. So I'll say it again - you're a bad person. There is not a single redeeming quality about you. You would be doing the world a great service if you'd just do what you've been hollowly threatening to do for years and just throw yourself off a goddamn building.

Let me just clarify - I don't wish any ill upon you. The universe will take care of that for me. I don't wish you dead either. Contrarily, I hope you live a long, long life - it'll increase the chances that you suffer the copious amounts of misery of which you are so very deserving. I hope you find love and lose it; I hope you give your heart over to someone and she breaks it for no other reason but the sheer enjoyment of seeing you cry. I hope all the people you've depended on for validation eventually tire of your self-serving agenda and leave you all by your lonesome, where you can do no harm to others with the thoughtless things you say and the callous things you do. I hope you never find the happiness you have always been half-heartedly in search of; and I say half-heartedly because you are so terrified of actually feeling anything other than nothing at all that the very notion of finding it in another person terrifies the hell out of you.

You deserve nothing of any substance. You deserve the empty, pathetic life in which you revel. You have never proven yourself to be worthy of anything in this world that is good and whole and pure and sweet. You are not worthy of love.

But I gave it to you anyway. And for that, I hate myself just a little more than I hate you.

With the utmost sincerity,

Me

14th October 2008

Harrison doesn't complain but I really like waking him up when he's curled somewhere like this. He does give me a modicum of attention. He just goes to sleep again afterwards.

13th October 2008

Soon, Aggie will be Mrs. Coll. I was pleased when she sent me one of her quaint, handmade wedding invitations. It would have been fun picking out a dress for me to wear at the wedding but since I'm far away in Dubai, I'll send her my best wishes instead.

12th October 2008

Right now I'm rereading "Nothing But You: Love Stories from the New Yorker" - one of my all time favorites. Next in line is "The Bonesetter's Daughter" by Amy Tan. I've enjoyed Amy Tan's books before. I hope this one does not disappoint.

11th October 2008

I remember when samosas where only Dhs1. Now the cost has gone up 50%. Inflation has apparently affected Dubai too.

10th October 2008

On nights when we are too lazy to cook, Cheryl and I walk to Lulu Hypermarket to buy dinner. Walking the short distance is punishment during the Dubai summer but I'm glad to say that at this time of the year the weather is balmier.

9th October 2008

This is my cupboard. It always seems full because I am incapable of keeping it neat and arranged. The usual items you will see here are catfood, caramel chai latte mix and instant noodles.

8th October 2008

I've always loved buko juice. Back home in Manila I would buy it fresh every chance I got. It's a rarity here in Dubai but here's the next best thing: canned buko juice imported from Thailand.

7th October 2008

I'm not much of a decorator, much to the chagrin of my creative mom. The only wall decor I have in my bedroom are these two framed photos of Harrison. I might add another one (I still have a few frames hidden away) but that would be it.

How I Love Letter Generators!

Ahh the joys of having a complaint letter generator when someone is persistently annoying!

This is for you, "Sibu" - the current bane of my existence:

Writing this letter stems from a desperation to be heard, if not by a court of law, then by a court of public opinion. And that's why I feel compelled to say something about crapulous paper-pushers. As anyone living above the Earth's surface knows by now, I have observed that those who disagree with me on the next point tend to be unsophisticated and those who recognize the validity of the point to be more educated. The point is that I once tried to explain to Sibu that her ideas will demand special treatment that, in many cases, borders on the ridiculous. Rather than feel ashamed of herself, Sibu got angry at me. What this says is that Sibu doesn't want me to show principle, gumption, verve, and nerve. Well, I've never been a very obedient dog so I intend not only to do exactly that but also to expose all of Sibu's filthy, subversive, and destructive activities. Summa summarum, it's been well documented that people like Sibu make me sick.

6th October 2008

These are one of the buildings in the Jumeirah Lake Towers area. Hopefully this will be a more familiar sight soon. God willing.

5th October 2008

I asked a question, "Is it over?"

I shook the virtual Magic 8-Ball and got this answer: "Outlook good".

Things are looking up. :)

4th October 2008

These are my toys - decorative plastic ice cubes with multi-colored lights inside them. A colleague gave me one first but I enjoyed it a lot that I asked for 3 more. I'm so glad he obliged.

3rd October 2008

Instead of calling someone I shouldn't be calling, I bought ice cream instead. I nearly finished the whole thing while watching Party of Five.

2nd October 2008

The most beautiful thing I saw today was this patch of rainbow on the floor of the staff entry way. There was no window nearby and no skylight. Apparently the rainbow was reflected from the door ahead.

1st October 2008

I don't have a copy of my graduation picture with me. There is a big one at home in Manila, displayed in the living room like a shrine. Other than that I have only this photo - taken nearly 13 years ago.

30th September 2008

I've listed all the movies I want to download. I got most of them from www.rottentomatoes.com and some movies I've already seen but I'd like to see again. Aggie suggested Chaos Theory because a character there reminds her of me because he was always making lists.

29th September 2008

The construction beside our building is quiet because of the Eid holidays. Normally they start up early and the noise just pounds into my ears. There are times I don't need my alarm clock at all.