I Miss My Dad

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
you tell me of the future that you planned;
Only remember me; you understand
it will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet, if you should forget me for a while
and afterwards, remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
a vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
better by far you should forget and smile
than that you should remember and be sad.

By Christina Rossetti.

When I was younger the thought of my dad dying was so unbearable that I refused to acknowledge the inevitability of it. I loved him so much, even with his faults and foibles. I feared that if I lost him I'd lose my mind. He was far from perfect but I was pleased when people see similarities between us, things that cement the fact that I am indeed his child. We walked the same way, the same scattered eyebrows, the same sparse light brown hair. When he stopped working due to illness I went to his house every weekend and just spent time together talking or watching TV. Sometimes if we had money we would go and eat out.

But now he's gone. When news of his death reached me in the early hours of the morning of July 5, 2006, I trembled in shock. Good thing I was far away in Dubai - the distance help cushion blow somewhat. I didn't go home to Manila for his funeral because I didn't want the memory of his death to linger with me. It would have crushed my spirit.

Sometimes I still think about him and I still feel the same sadness. I didn't lose my mind when he passed away but I know I will always mourn him. All I have to remind me of my dad is small dog-eared picture that I keep perpetually in my wallet.

Wherever you are dad, I miss you so much. Until we meet again.